One child says it's unfair that their sibling gets more help with homework. The sibling says it's unfair that the first gets more freedom. Both are comparing the visible result, not the different needs behind it. I've tried saying ‘fair doesn't always mean identical,’ but that phrase has become background noise in our house. Has anyone found a way to explain age-appropriate differences without turning every decision into a courtroom hearing?
Handling siblings who interpret equal treatment as unfair treatment
- parenting
- handling
- siblings
- interpret
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4 replies
Sometimes it helps to stop explaining fairness in the abstract and talk about the job each kid is trying to do. ‘You get this help because t...
Sometimes it helps to stop explaining fairness in the abstract and talk about the job each kid is trying to do. ‘You get this help because this homework is hard for you right now’ lands better than a general lecture.
I’d add that kids often mean ‘I want the same thing right now’ when they say unfair. If you can name the difference out loud, it takes some of the mystery out of it.
And if you can, make the difference visible before the argument starts. Otherwise every decision looks like you’re making it up on the spot,...